Tuffy

I don't know where you are, how you are, who you're with or if you can hear me.

I'm hurting again.

Every day that passes is another day without you.

Every breath I take is a struggle for survival. I'd rather choke and die if it means I can be with you.

I'm hurting.

Sometimes I can see you beside me. That's when I feel it's okay to let go a little. To laugh.

Sometimes the past comes in flashes. The first time I held you.

The evening Janu called and yelled cos you peed in the balcony and I was with Amma for that annual day function in the school she works in.

It hurts that my last memory of you is your remorse at having leaped for the biscuit Athsi was holding for Caesar. I felt your pain. I saw the hurt in your eyes. You went to the other side if the garden and refused to cross the boundary even when I called you. I'm sorry. I wish I had a happier memory if you. I wish that day were frozen in time so I could kiss you again, hug you so you know it's alright. You know that, don't you? I was more concerned about you than Athsi. My baby, my darling, my everything.

Tuffy, when will I see you again?

When will I be permitted to cuddle you to sleep, sneak you onto my bed so you could rest your snout on my stomach, the pillow, or fall asleep in the palm of my hand?

I've started crying a lot and it took till now for me to realize the only thing frustrating me is that you're not here.

The pain won't go away.

It'll be three months in less than a week. How?

I miss your warmth and ache for your love.

You were the best dog anyone could have ever asked for. Nobody will ever take your place.

I'm sorry. I just can't take it anymore. I love you and I hope you can hear me.

I hope you'll greet me when I die. Until then ill have to wait.

I wish it was now.

But you'll know when to call me, right?

You better call me.

It's you I want to see first, okay?

Just you. We'll walk through the doors together, and stay beside each other forever. No more obstacles. No more excuses. Just you and me and the people who we love and have loved us.

But mostly just us.