Hello Stranger,
How have you been? I have quite a lot to tell you, the words tumble over one another to gain the advantage. I suppose I'll just go with the flow? Or perhaps, chronologically.
Yes, chronologically seems more logical right now.
I've lost you. I've lost track of the time we spent together, I was so absorbed in what was happening around me that I never paid the tiniest bit of attention to you. I believed you'd be able to fend for yourself. I'm sorry that I misjudged that. I can't ask you to come back to me. I reckon that'll ruin everything for us. We'll fight, that's a given but. . I do miss you. A lot.
I miss your laugh. I miss how my stomach would fill up with butterflies every time I laid eyes on you. I love, yes, love, that look in your eyes when I'm laughing uncontrollably. I miss your warmth, the calming rhythm of your breathing every time you held me close. Your quickening heart beat when you'd bend down to kiss me or just say how much you love me. Loved me.
I wish it had all turned out differently, but I suppose it couldn't have. I still talk about you. My friends know your name. They know you left that void inside of me that nobody can ever fill up. I wish it were easier. I wish that void was part of the past, just like you are.
I wish you were here to hold me and tell me it'll all be alright. Like you used to every time I broke down. You're the first person I've ever cried in front of without a second thought. I told you every thing. You were my best friend. You meant the world to me.
I suppose that was my mistake- letting you know just how much you meant to me.
I met this girl. My psychology teacher reeled me in to help her with a visually impaired student. I ached to just dial your number so your voice could calm me. It worried me. What if I did something utterly stupid? What if I used words like 'see' or 'visualize'? What if I can't get through to her, if I let my teacher down?
So many what if's. I forced myself to stay in control and not call you up but I suppose by now, your number must have changed. I met her, finally. She's brilliant in ways I cannot even begin to describe. She knows such a lot but her low self-esteem seems to be her undoing.I MUST get through to her. I have to. She can be SO much more in life! So very much more!
A puppy I helped save and raise in college for the few months I was there passed away the day before yesterday. He had the clearest blue eyes. We named him Butterscotch, but he was also known as Tipu. He was ever so gorgeous. He was run over by a speeding car and people stood by watching helplessly.
What has become of this world? It used to be so beautiful, with the trees swaying, the leaves rustling! Birds humming. . everything was so musical. So. . lovely. Clear blue skies, unadulterated innocences! Discovering each other, discovering ourselves. . Now, it's all just gloomy. Everybody's dying. . The animals are suffering. I was so blind. I must do something about it. I have a plan but I can't tell you now. Perhaps at a later date. You know how I've always been reluctant to disclose something till much after it has happened.
Well.
I met this guy. Don't know him all that well, don't trust him all that much anymore (he broke me once already) but I know enough to know I adore him. Yet, every time he tries to get close, all I can do is push him away. I've begun to do that with all of my friends. I don't want to talk to them. I don't feel like seeing them, being around them. I just want to be left alone. I bet that sounds pathetic but it's just how it is.
I've let so many people down that I'm unable to forgive myself now. Not being there for my best friends when they need it the most makes me feel so utterly useless that life seems redundant yet again. Forgive me, I'm ranting. You've always known how to stop that without cutting me off. I've forgotten though, memory evades me presently.
I miss you. It's been over 3 years, and I still think about you, of you.
I wish it had all been different.
But this has to be the last time I speak of you.
I love you, A. I wish it had all turned out differently, but I suppose this is life and even though I've moved on, your memory lingers. I hope you're well. I truly am sorry for everything. Just know. . . none of it matters anymore. The shards cascaded deep enough to cause me pain every day but the scars have begun to fade.
Well, it's time. The thoughts have been put to rest at last. The war has stopped.
Goodbye.
How have you been? I have quite a lot to tell you, the words tumble over one another to gain the advantage. I suppose I'll just go with the flow? Or perhaps, chronologically.
Yes, chronologically seems more logical right now.
I've lost you. I've lost track of the time we spent together, I was so absorbed in what was happening around me that I never paid the tiniest bit of attention to you. I believed you'd be able to fend for yourself. I'm sorry that I misjudged that. I can't ask you to come back to me. I reckon that'll ruin everything for us. We'll fight, that's a given but. . I do miss you. A lot.
I miss your laugh. I miss how my stomach would fill up with butterflies every time I laid eyes on you. I love, yes, love, that look in your eyes when I'm laughing uncontrollably. I miss your warmth, the calming rhythm of your breathing every time you held me close. Your quickening heart beat when you'd bend down to kiss me or just say how much you love me. Loved me.
I wish it had all turned out differently, but I suppose it couldn't have. I still talk about you. My friends know your name. They know you left that void inside of me that nobody can ever fill up. I wish it were easier. I wish that void was part of the past, just like you are.
I wish you were here to hold me and tell me it'll all be alright. Like you used to every time I broke down. You're the first person I've ever cried in front of without a second thought. I told you every thing. You were my best friend. You meant the world to me.
I suppose that was my mistake- letting you know just how much you meant to me.
I met this girl. My psychology teacher reeled me in to help her with a visually impaired student. I ached to just dial your number so your voice could calm me. It worried me. What if I did something utterly stupid? What if I used words like 'see' or 'visualize'? What if I can't get through to her, if I let my teacher down?
So many what if's. I forced myself to stay in control and not call you up but I suppose by now, your number must have changed. I met her, finally. She's brilliant in ways I cannot even begin to describe. She knows such a lot but her low self-esteem seems to be her undoing.I MUST get through to her. I have to. She can be SO much more in life! So very much more!
A puppy I helped save and raise in college for the few months I was there passed away the day before yesterday. He had the clearest blue eyes. We named him Butterscotch, but he was also known as Tipu. He was ever so gorgeous. He was run over by a speeding car and people stood by watching helplessly.
What has become of this world? It used to be so beautiful, with the trees swaying, the leaves rustling! Birds humming. . everything was so musical. So. . lovely. Clear blue skies, unadulterated innocences! Discovering each other, discovering ourselves. . Now, it's all just gloomy. Everybody's dying. . The animals are suffering. I was so blind. I must do something about it. I have a plan but I can't tell you now. Perhaps at a later date. You know how I've always been reluctant to disclose something till much after it has happened.
Well.
I met this guy. Don't know him all that well, don't trust him all that much anymore (he broke me once already) but I know enough to know I adore him. Yet, every time he tries to get close, all I can do is push him away. I've begun to do that with all of my friends. I don't want to talk to them. I don't feel like seeing them, being around them. I just want to be left alone. I bet that sounds pathetic but it's just how it is.
I've let so many people down that I'm unable to forgive myself now. Not being there for my best friends when they need it the most makes me feel so utterly useless that life seems redundant yet again. Forgive me, I'm ranting. You've always known how to stop that without cutting me off. I've forgotten though, memory evades me presently.
I miss you. It's been over 3 years, and I still think about you, of you.
I wish it had all been different.
But this has to be the last time I speak of you.
I love you, A. I wish it had all turned out differently, but I suppose this is life and even though I've moved on, your memory lingers. I hope you're well. I truly am sorry for everything. Just know. . . none of it matters anymore. The shards cascaded deep enough to cause me pain every day but the scars have begun to fade.
Well, it's time. The thoughts have been put to rest at last. The war has stopped.
Goodbye.
