We live.

We have only this moment, only this period, only this lifetime, to accomplish all we can.
Yet, many a times, I choose to stand still, to look upon a heath, and will it all away.

The layers of optimism, that gave me profound strength, have now been penetrated. I no longer see the light, all I see is. . nothing.. I cannot dream, I cannot speak, I can no longer think. I wish not to. I attempt to be myself, but somehow, somewhere along the path, I lost myself. I lost who I used to be, who I had become. I lost my sensitivity, I lost my compassion. I lost my love, I lost my fear. I lost it all. I lost everyone I depended on to keep me up. To keep me, from faltering. When did I become so goddamn dependent? The girl, who REFUSED to take help from ANYONE for ANYTHING.

She's lost. Over the past two years, I realised. . No matter who your closest friends are, they WILL desert you. You'll be stranded on barren land, in the middle of nowhere. There will be nowhere to go from there, for you will not be allowed to move.

Time passes by fast, and in those moments, it will come to a standstill.

You will reflect upon what a spec of nothing you are, and how everyone in the world will become a priority for everyone else. . Everyone else, but you. You will feel remorse. You will grieve, and face self-pity. You will be disgusted with your self, and one fine day- none of it will matter.

For you only light the path to your grave.

Life's an illusion.

Life's a myriad of broken dreams.

Life, is nothing.

Yet we live.

What lies beneath the rest?

The cold wind seeps through the gaps of the door

Searching for a victim, to devour whole

I hear it racing, towards me, aching for my soul

I wish I could deafen my ears, but it’s just too close.

“Come to me, for I’m the friend

The one who’ll be with you, true till the end”

The voice so filled with honesty, surely, every word is meant?

But it is the dark demon, that defies. Give not into it. It will ruin your life.

“Oh! My! What a silly child!

Me? The demon?! But I can read your mind!!

Thou art but naive, to believe in thine Lord!

Come, I shall show you, the lie that survived amongst us all!”

My heart willed me to walk forward,

My mind refused, and my heart called me a coward

I walked forth, to prove it wrong, I was overwhelmed by the power,

And the world changed its form.

“There rests thy Lord. Among sweet angels.

Bright and glorious, until they rebel

For they choose to go rotten, of their own accord.”

“Ha- satan, Satan, Mastama, Baal Davar!!!

“The serpent in Eden!

The Prince of Grigori!!!

Diabolis, Metatron!!!

Or God himself?”

For it is said, in the Book of Isaiah,

 “I form the light, and create darkness:

I make peace, and create evil:

I the LORD do all these things”

Then who indeed, is the Lord?

My faith shattered, before my eyes

I saw the world, heaven and hell collide

The midget still stood there, still by my side

Should I question, or should I submit?

“Who then, is the Lord? Who is the devil?

What is the truth? At whom do we marvel?

What is this world? These beings, these words?

Who do I trust? Or should I trust at all?”

“Your mind does speak, to me, my child.

But these questions I cannot answer,

Some questions are best left unanswered, unknown,

I was sent down to show you; wouldst thou have believed plain words?”

I hesitated, stood still.

Nay, I wouldn’t have.

“I trow not” I spake,

“Whence, comest thou?” I asked.

Within an instant, the wind rushed out.

Before another syllable could form in my mouth

I sat down, bewildered, afraid, and uncouth

I heard the leaves rustle outside, and my mind wandered

The liar, deceiver, the devil among us all. .

The hated, the betrayer, or so he may be called

What then, was this? A figment of imagination?

Or are we swimming in a sea of confusion?

No truths. No lies.

To each his own, and to me, mine.

I bequeathed myself to thine.

                                          

“Brighter once amidst the host of Angels,

Than that star the stars among”  . . .

Quixotic. . .

I pretend with you around, I pretend to be who I'm not
But for some reason, I have no choice
It seems like you're no longer a part of my life
I wish you were, I wish you'd hold me
I wish for a lot of things, I wish for you, more importantly

They say. . Some people last forever
Some relationships can never be severed
Some mountains can never be climbed
Even if you scaled the hardest, another path you left behind

They say that friendship's a sacred bond
A bond so true, known to few
A bond so precious, it's inescapable
Yet, our friendship, has died

The time passes me by, and I sit here and wonder
What went wrong, and why
Fact of the matter is, there's never a single reason
It's a cumulation, of all of OUR lies

Lies we told each other, back when we were young
They resurface to haunt us, leave us cold and numb
Lies so painful, that the mention of your name pricks
Pricks my heart to no end. . and to the pain I succumb

Within my heart, your name is carved
Within my soul, yours.
Within my words, I hear your voice. .
Flowing, like we're one

But that was then, it seems so long ago
The time just faded, and the wounds are beginning to show. . .
I wish I could've told you, just how much you mean to me. .
I'm running out of time now. . There's no way to set me free. .

But something's are meant to die
Some relationships, meant to fade
Some reasons, left unknown
Some questions, best left unanswered
But as the days fall by, I know. .

That your heart I held within mine,
Your love, I treasured
You're that being, I'll love forever
No matter the distance, whatever the time
Know that within my heart, you'll always survive

Hellish flames

I died in him, he died in me
We died, but neither of us could be set free
Our souls are linked, but our hearts are not
We died, ‘cause neither of us could feel

An end borne from deceit and lies

I care, I do, just not like before

The way we did, so long ago
The way we did, love strongly bound
He can hear my heart beat, but it can’t be found
The love we once felt, is now long gone.

Simple words, could have saved us
Simple words unsaid
A simple “I love you” saved us it would have
But the only things he left behind, were tears unshed

I cared, I did, you’ve left me forlorn
I loved you, I didn’t, you were a friend
The confusion has led to this devastating end

An end that neither of us wanted to find
An end that lives on, and will forever more
An end that will be our strongest foe

You left me, you left. I left you behind
I can’t see you, I can’t feel
I hate you, and I hate without regret

Your every lie will live on in me
Your every lie, I will secretly keep
As the time blows, as the wind whispers
They’ll find out, this world
They’ll find you out. . .
I’ll await for your return. . .
The clarion will be blow. . .

Your lies it'll announce, the hate will spread
Your deceit it'll find, the passion regressed
It’ll all come out, with time, it will
The truth will arrive, and destroy your life. . .

Watch out. . . I’ll stab you, like you stabbed me
When I wasn’t looking, from behind. .
I'll make it hurt, I'll make you wreathe in pain. . .
I'll make you feel the way I felt
I'll watch you bleed, I'll watch you die. .
I'll hold you, as hells flames burn you alive

My mind's eye. . .

The sights, the sounds, the smells, the time. The feelings, the fashion, the tenderness, the rhyme. Sigh, oh how the world changes, and how the world spins, rotates, and revolves, till we’re caught in our oblivion. Till we’re lost. . . So lost, that there’s no turning back.

Yes, time fades, so to speak. It heals wounds, or deepens scars. It holds you back, or pushes you forward. Yet, at some point or another in life, you’re caught in its sticky web of controversy, lies, hate, spite, pain, anger, betrayal, faith. And you cannot breathe. You choke, you gasp for air, you suffocate. . . Till you give in, or till you’re saved. How lucky can one get? How many times may one be saved? Can we really answer that? It’s subjective. . . It depends. . Then again, doesn’t everything? Every spec, every letter, every word. . . Every action.

Some answers can never be questioned, while some questions. . . are best left unanswered. Are the unanswered questions as such, ‘cause there IS no answer? Or simply because. . they can hurt you so deeply. . you’ll probably never know life for it’s beauty ever again?
Questions, questions, questions. I’ve had too much time at my hands to ponder over them. Maybe, just maybe, that’s why I’m so lost. Caught unawares, in this myriad of broken dreams. Dreams left behind by so many, left incomplete for so many reasons that will never be discovered, never be understood.
Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken. . .

I’m not broken, but I am breaking. Breaking ‘cause I’m lost in this world, so full of itself, lost in this world, where nobody cares. They don’t think twice about the amount of pain and suffering mere words can bring about. But why should they? Is it not in their right, to take whatever pleasure they can get from what is around them? They can. But at the cost of others?

No. They can, but they just shouldn’t. The pain is overwhelming. Too overwhelming, it has driven men to insanity, and they’ve been stuck in an asylum created by their minds. The most dangerous place, the only place man will never be able to understand- the human mind in all its power.

A place so dangerous, even the darkest pits of Erebus aren’t as dreary, as enervative as one’s own mind, and all of its assumptions, its complications, and its many conjured demons.

Deathly. That, it is.

My mind’s eye can see your lies, your hate, your spite, your pain. My mind’s eye can see through you, I can see through you, yet, I won’t let you see through me.
I’m made of glass, but I appear not weak. I’m made of flesh and blood, yet I will never bleed. I may cry, but my tears are deathly. With every tear that whispers your name, a curse befalls you, every godforsaken time.

You made me hate you, I spite your existence. You weakened my defenses, but I’m stronger now than before. I will come back, and I will not falter. I am better than you are, and better than you, I’ll always be.

I survived. And I’m the knife. I will pierce your heart, like you pierced mine. . . You’ll feel the pain. . . And you’ll die, again, and again. . . And again.

Fallen

An angel came to save me
She said she was sent from above
She told me there was more to life
Than just tainted love

I looked at her, bewildered
Wondered if I was wrong
Then I told her my story
My story, in a world
Where I just didn’t belong

I told her of his betrayal
I told her of his hate
I told her that it didn’t matter right now
For it was already far too late

She looked at me and smiled
Told me it’ll be alright
I looked away, closed my eyes
I told her, darkness isn’t defeated
By a mere spec of light

I smiled as I gazed, into the darkness around me
She shimmered bright, like they always do
Translucent she was, in all her beauty

He left me here alone
To bask in the hurt he left behind
I never let it show
I embraced him and I let it go

For three tendays I let it be
I let it slide, it didn’t matter to me
I omitted what I should’ve seen
His betrayal, those lies, reeking in all their sickening glory

I bit my lip, and bled
I swallowed up the hatred I felt
It wasn’t right, it’s gone, and it’s done
But I will watch him melt

She gasped at my every word
I saw her darken
At my sadistic mirth
I swore again, to watch him bleed
I swore, his soul would be tainted, eternally

I heard her laughter, she was no angel
For everything’s iniquitous, in the presence of evil
I watched her dissipate, I watched her fall
A fallen angel, answering my call

I looked around and saw no light
I looked above, I felt no fright
I looked into the pure darkness of life
I laughed into oblivion

As I felt him burn and die